I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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