I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
