there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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