Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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