Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
