I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
