My brain says no but my pants say off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
