I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
