I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
