an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
