I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
