How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
