I just made out with a guy for $7.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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