I feel like I'm in dance class right now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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