hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
