I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
