she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
