If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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