this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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