Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
