are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
