You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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