No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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