this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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