You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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