my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
