theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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