Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize