Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
