do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
3pm strippers are depressing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
