i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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