I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
