I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
