apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
