So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
