That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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