My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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