They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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