You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
