Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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