i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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