hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
