i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
