just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
