I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
