I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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