The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
