I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize