I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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