These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
