Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
home. puking in laundry basket.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
