I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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