afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
