On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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