And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
