The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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