Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
