I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
