So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
