I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
