I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
