Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
