i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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